How well do you know yourself?
If a manager comes to you and says "Thanks for the work you did on that project. I really appreciate it. I have some ideas for the next project we can talk about that might help improve the finished product for the next customer."
Versus a manager who comes you and says "That sucked. I think the customer was BARELY satisfied and that means I was NOT HAPPY at all with your work. The customer needs to be extremely satisfied at all times. You have A LOT of work to do if you're going to do better on the next project."
Then which manager do you think you would want to have?
Statistically speaking (with a significantly large sample size), one approach does tend to do a better job of "managing", aka "coaching". And so a manager can either play the numbers and go with what is proven to work better, but the more effective (and much, much harder) approach is to customize the message the manager deems appropriate for the recipient. If you’re bad a reading people, then your coaching success rate could end up being horrible.
And going back to the original question. Do you really know yourself well enough to truly know which type of feedback works the best with you?
My bet is you don't. And that's what makes it all so difficult, and challenging, and cathartic, and rewarding in the end.
My name is Dae Yu.