Vortex of Death and Carnage

You might be wondering, WTF is that?

I carry two phones.  One for my day job and one is my personal phone.  Some people hate dual-phoning.  I didn’t know what I was going to think of it.  After trying it out now for over a year I have determined that I LIKE IT.  It’s like having double battery life.  The most ironic/tragic part is that even with double battery life, I still have to charge BOTH DAMN PHONES multiple times a day in order to make it to bed time.  It’s pathetic.  One of these days I'll write up all the thoughts I have about how pathetic smartphone battery life is.  

Anyway, it’s been over a year.  Being a typical guy, I’ve been carrying the phones in my front pockets.  Yes, it’s sort of a PITA (Pain In The Ass), but for me, the advantages outweigh the PITA part.  Recently, I’ve decided to stop carrying the phones in my pockets.  I try to set them in the passenger seat, or generally away from my pelvis as much as possible.  It is because I’ve been obsessing about the far-fetched notion that I’ve created a VORTEX OF SEMINAL CARNAGE (VSC).

Here’s how I came up with it.  I don’t know exactly how the radio energy comes out of the phones.  But if the radio waves from each phone emit from the antennas in basically a omni-directional way, where the phone is at the center and you can imagine circular waves of sinusoidal patterns transmitting in three dimensions, then it would look like kids blowing bubbles where the bubbles get bigger and bigger and bigger until they pop.  Except with these radio waves, the bubbles don’t pop.  They just go and go and go and dissipate until all the power is absorbed or naturally gone.

So then with two phones bilaterally surrounding my testicles, now you see the VORTEX OF SPERMATOZOAN DEATH (VSD) right at the center where the arrow is pointing.  It is where the energy waves from both phones would intersect and overlap each other.  All I can think is that my poor little microscopic seeds won't stand much of a chance being nuked from both sides. 

I will still be a dual-phoner, but I won’t carry both phones in my pockets if I can help it.
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I’ll carry them in murse. 

I can't decide with TLA I like the best.